Well, to say it has been a while would be an understatement. I started this site back in December and posted a bunch in the beginning, but the last few months I’ve done a terrible job of updating my blog. But never fear! I’m back and I fully intend to do a much better job!
I’ve been in Washington DC for almost a month now so over the next few days I’ll be posting a few tales from my first couple of adventures.
Today’s story is “The Tale of The Blue Couch.” A story about a mythic piece of furniture. Wars have been fought over this couch, kingdoms have crumbled just to sit on this marvelous sofa. It is a tale of new beginnings, of loss, and ultimately, a unique commentary on the human condition.
My journey to DC was actually quite simple, aside from taking a wrong turn and ending up at the Pentagon. The Uhaul I rented surprisingly drove quite well. The trip took just over six hours.
Moving in all my stuff was another story. The Uhaul had been packed to maximum capacity. And deep underneath all of my boxes was the dreaded blue couch. The couch itself is an amazing couch. It was just made with, what feels like some combination of solid steel and adamantium. Just getting it from my grandmother’s house and into the Uhaul almost killed me and my mom. So, as we began unpacking, I knew that the couch laid at the bottom, just waiting for someone to try and lift it.
Finally, almost all of the boxes and furniture were unloaded. And there sat the blue couch. We moved it onto the street so we could get the last few boxes and to delay our battle a bit longer. Each time we walked past the couch, I could feel it’s contempt for us. I could almost hear it saying, “Foolish mortals. Many have fallen trying to move me, you will fair no better.”
Maybe he was right, but there was only one way to find out.
Also, this is a good time to mention that our apartment is on the 2nd floor and to get up to it you have to take the world’s narrowest staircase with the world’s lowest ceiling. My bed frame barely made it up.
With the final boxes moved in the time had come. Hayden and I looked at each other the same way Frodo and Sam looked at each other as they started their journey to Mount Doom. No words were said. We just picked it up and began our quest. Getting through the front door was our first test. The couch was too big to bring right through the door frame so we had to begin a full scale game of Tetris.
We twisted left and right, up and down, backwards and forwards, but we couldn’t get it through. I feared that the couch may be a lost cause, doomed to sit on the side of the road. But, by some miracle, the final configuration we moved the couch in worked! With the first level of our quest complete we moved onto the stairs.
This was a much trickery scenario than the door frame. The doorframe tested our mental prowess only. The stairs however, combined mental and physical stamina. We couldn’t lift the couch too high, otherwise it would hit the ceiling, too low and we wouldn’t be able to get a solid grip to lift it. We were able to get it halfway up but then paused and lost most of our momentum. We began to lose hope too.
That’s when something snapped in me. This couch was going to be in our apartment. I dug deep and summed strength I didn’t know I possessed. It was raw power. Hayden later told me that I had a look on my face similar to a wild animal. I was in the primal state of my ancestors. All the Underwoods before me were looking down on me at that moment. This was my test. I couldn’t disappoint them. I looked down at Hayden, the Frodo to my Sam. “I can’t carry it for you, but I can carry you!” And in one final bout of strength, I pulled it to the landing.
I’m pretty sure I blacked out for the rest of the quest. Witnesses say that once we got it to the landing it was an easy spin around and we carried the couch upside down over the second flight of stairs and into our apartment.
I regained consciousness a short time later and there, in front of me, sat the blue couch in all its glory.
I aquate the feeling of getting the couch into the apartment much to that of how Arthur felt when he pulled the sword from the stone. And just like Arthur, we were now the kings of our apartment.